How to Deal with an Overly Critical Person

Twas a wise little rabbit that once said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

While that would be a much more pleasant world to live in, it's simply not the case.

Criticism can be a good thing when it's delivered in the right way and with the right context. How can we ever expect to grow if we are not honest with one another? Constructive criticism is delivered in a positive manner by offering valid opinions about the work of others. This kind of criticism encourages others to grow into a better version of themselves. Many of the great people we know in the world became that way because of constructive criticism.

Then there's the other kind of criticism. The kind of criticism that simply points out all of the negative aspects about a person or situation without offering any advice on improvement. While this criticism can be situation-specific, you may find that the people that deliver this criticism quite often do so in all aspects of their lives. An overly critical person is often hostile, withdrawn, and pessimistic.

Overly critical people often need help and guidance, so simply shutting them out wouldn't be the most fair approach. Here's a few ways to deal with an overly critical person.

Art by Matthew Hoffman

Try not to take it personally.
Often times a critical person is pointing out their own flaws or shortcomings, not yours. Avoid identifying yourself with the words of a critic. A person who criticizes will do so anyway, no matter what your actions or intentions may be. Your value does not decrease by someone else's words.

Hear the words, not the delivery.
Criticism is often paired with anger, frustration, and delivered at an increased volume. What is the point that is trying to be conveyed? Can it be addressed in a calm manner? Remember that the person who loses their temper has lost control of the situation. Stay in control, stay calm and try to listen to the words.

Respond with kindness.
How people treat other people is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. An overly critical person is likely battling many insecurities. Don't let them pull you into their storm, pull them into your peace. Change the subject by pointing out strengths rather than magnifying weaknesses.

Just because you listen doesn't mean you have to accept.
Some people just need to be heard. I feel that to be a basic human right. All too often, we listen only to respond and attempt to fix problems when we haven't been recruited to do so. It is not necessary to react to everything you hear. Simply lending an ear can make a big difference.

Avoid the situation.
When all else fails, remove yourself from the negativity. It's hard to live a positive life with a negative mind -- even when it's not your mind that is negative. Unfortunately, you cannot help a person who doesn't want to help themselves.

Face Yoga for Jaw Tension

Did you know that your jaw muscles are the strongest in your body for their size? These small but mighty muscles have the ability to chomp a human finger clean off.

The jaw muscles are comprised of four major muscles: the masseter, the temporalis, and the lateral & medial pterygoid.

A recent Chicago Dental Society survey reported that 1 out of every 4 Americans tense their jaw muscles excessively. This number was an all-time high and believed to be the result of increased stress in our daily lives.

If you're like 25% of the population, including me, you might find yourself tightening your jaw muscles without even noticing. Often when we are faced with a difficult task we tense -- whether it occurs at home or in the office, or even in our yoga practice during a particularly long hold or challenging pose. Excessive jaw clenching and tooth grinding can also cause headaches and tension in other areas of the body.

So let's put a stop to this, shall we?

It begins now, with our own awareness. It continues the rest of the day, and tomorrow, and the day after that. It is a constant reminder to care for yourself and remain aware of what's happening inside of your body.

5 Minute Face Yoga for Jaw Tension 

• Begin with 5 round of Lion's Breath (Inhale through the nose; Open the mouth & eyes wide as you stick your tongue out as far as it goes and exhale out the mouth, somewhat resembling the roar of a lion)
• Remove the tongue from the roof of the mouth
• Relax the very base of the tongue
• Keep the lips together, but slowly begin to separate the teeth
• Imagining that the chin has a pencil tip in the center, begin to draw figure-8's with your lower jaw. Do this for about a minute, reversing directions halfway through
• Keep the teeth separated, now curl the lips over the teeth and open the mouth as wide as possible, extending outward into the cheeks. Try not to let any other facial muscles tense. Hold for 5 breaths, then release
• From a tall supported spine, begin to circle your head clockwise with a loose neck 5 times, then 5 times in the opposite direction
• Come to stillness with a tall spine through the crown of the head
• Silently (or loudly) mouth your vowels (AEIOU) ten times
• Take 5 more rounds of Lion's Breath and relax the face

Repeat this sequence as many times as necessary to feel relief.

Another effective stretch is allowing the head to fall backward and the mouth to open as wide as possible. I like to use Supported Fish Pose for this stretch. Be careful not to place any discomfort on the neck or crunch the cervical spine with this one.

Tension is who think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. (Chinese proverb)

Cooking with Essential Oils: One-Pan Lemon Garlic Pasta with Kale

Since I discovered doTERRA essential oils back in March of this year, it's been a solid 6 months since ANYONE in our family has gotten sick. With 2 toddlers and 2 working parents, that's a pretty darn good track record if you ask me.

They are part of our everyday lives from rubbing on our feet at night, using them to clean and refresh, to using them for medical applications. We use essential oils for everyday wellness, but what good is wellness when you can't get your kids to eat healthy?

Cooking with Essential Oils

Everyone loves a hot home-cooked meal, but often times things tend to get away from us and we reach for convenience over quality. I'll admit I've been there all too often. And pizza is way too easy... then it becomes too easy to fall into the rut of convenience.

One day after cruising Pinterest, I found this recipe and adapted it to what I had on hand and our family's tastes. It quickly became a family favorite, which is saying a lot with two picky toddlers.

Instead of reaching in the freezer for pre-packaged whatever-it's-made-of, try this simple recipe that can be made in about a half hour with little to no prep time and is super adaptable to whatever you have on hand. Here's what you'll need:

One-Pan Garlic Lemon Pasta with Kale

• 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
• 4 cloves of garlic, minced
• 2 cups of low-sodium vegetable or chicken broth
• 1 cup of water
• 2 cups of uncooked whole wheat penne pasta
• 4-5 large leaves fresh kale cut into 1/4 inch ribbons
• 2 oz neufchatel cheese
• 1 tablespoon dried basil
• 2-4 drops doTERRA Lemon Essential Oil

1. Heat olive oil in a large pan over medium heat. Cook kale and garlic for 2 minutes until soft and fragrant.
2. Add broth, water, and pasta to pan and turn heat up to high. Be sure that all ingredients are submerged in liquid.
3. When mixture begins to boil, cover with a lid and reduce heat to low. Cook covered on low for 15 minutes.
4. After 15 minutes, remove cover and allow mixture to simmer another 5 minutes uncovered until liquid reduces by about half. There will still be a good amount of liquid in the pan, but don't worry -- this will make a delicious sauce.
5. Remove from heat and add neufchatel cheese, basil, and lemon essential oil. Stir to combine, let sit about 2 minutes, then serve and enjoy.

Serves 2-3 people, depending on how hungry you are. 

We have also tried this recipe with chicken which is delicious, just brown about 1/2 lb of diced chicken breast before adding kale and garlic. Make it vegan with a vegan cream cheese. Use quinoa pasta for a healthy gluten-free option. 

I use doTERRA essential oils because they are the most concentrated and pure. They are the only brand that I trust to ingest. Please do not ingest lemon essential oil unless the bottle states that it is safe to do so. Many brands of essential oils like to dilute or use other fillers in their oils, but doTERRA brand essential oil is safe for consumption. 

Need Lemon Essential Oil? Visit my doTERRA shop to stock up!

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