Yoga Helps Me Be a Better Parent (and vice versa)

Balance. It's something every yogi practices in their physical body. That shaky feeling in your tree pose can easily be stabilized with steady breathing and clear focus. Balancing in my yoga practice has usually come fairly easy to me, but my balance has never been tested as much as when my family began to grow.

We had 2 kids less than 2 years apart, and needless to say it was quite an adjustment. As stressful as it was at times, I wouldn't change a thing for the world. Among the many, many things that my son and daughter have taught me about love and life, they've inspired me to strengthen my yoga practice and become a more confident teacher.

Finding my center in crow pose? No problem.
Balancing work, family, home, a relationship with my spouse, meal planning, doctor visits, a social life, diaper changes, laundry... then somehow finding time for myself in there? Alignment cues don't do much for real world problems, but many aspects of yoga have helped me grow into a stronger and more confident parent.

Many yogis may know that the physical practice of asana is just the tip of the iceberg. Here's a few ways that my sweet children have encouraged my yoga, and how my yoga has strengthened my parenting.

You're a Master on Adjustments

During pregnancy your body changes a LOT and you've got to find comfort somehow. I learned a heck of a lot about my body through pregnancy. Like where my sciatic nerve is for example -- yikes. But it forces you to learn your anatomy a little better and in a way that you really retain. I also pay a lot more attention to our childrens' anatomy. When my son woke up with a sore neck, he was delighted to join me for some neck circles and shoulder rolls.

Monkey See Monkey Do

Kids are little sponges, especially in those glorious toddler years. They become tiny little parrots revealing the good and the bad things about what they see in the world around them. No matter what you say to them -- especially when it's what not to do -- they see through that if your actions don't agree with your words. It can be the sweetest and the most terrifying thing all at once. We had to remove some words from our vocabulary shortly after certain words started popping out of our son's mouth. But it can also be a wonderful thing. Take for instance my son, who caringly attempted to comfort his cousin in the midst of a crying fit by showing her how to take deep breaths. My heart was soaring. In short, if you want your kids to be good role models, look into the mirror and see what they see.

The same can be said of students in a yoga practice. Two teachers can teach the exact same class and it will still be different. The teacher who teaches from the heart and from true knowledge will connect with students more, and will empower them with that passion. Be present in every moment and live what you feel in your heart.

Because My Family Counts on Me

It's quite a struggle caring for others when you can't care for yourself. I know that because I've lived it. Being overworked, overtired -- fuses get shorter and tension grows higher. It's not fair to make your loved ones suffer because you can't take care of yourself. Use your energy wisely. Do something that makes you feel alive, like you matter, and like you are special. When I take my kids to the park, I like to practice my handstands against the tall trees because it reminds me that I get to have fun, too. So be responsible and take time for you.

Use Support

My yoga classes usually call for blocks, straps, bolsters, blankets... pretty much anything available. We don't always use them, but as I tell my students I'd rather have them and not need them than vice versa. Sure, you can practice your forward bend without any tools, but wouldn't that block to support your head really make it more enjoyable? And the cushy pad of a blanket under your bum? Then why not make it the most accessible version for you? The same can be said of balancing the needs of your family. Ask your partner to load the dishes, send the kids to Grandpa's house for a sleepover, or just take a break when you feel exhausted. Use all of the support available to you and don't feel guilty about it. Using support does not mean you are lazy, it means you are wise.

It's Still About You

Yoga has become so sacred to me since our family has expanded, because it has become the only time I really have just for me. After you have kids, priorities change a heck of a lot. It's not all about you anymore. But just because it's not all about you doesn't mean your life ceases to exist or your passions fizzle out. I'll admit that after giving birth twice and nursing each for a whole year I felt like I was little more than a vessel or a tool to sustain this life I've created. But after that first year it gets easier. You learn to ask for help when you need it and slowly you get little bits of 'me time' here and there. Yoga makes me feel alive, so that is how I spend 'my time.' Whatever it is, do what makes you feel like you.


Parenting is not an easy job. It's challenging on its own and even more challenging when you have to balance your time & energy between a career and a family. Everybody has bad days, but love always shines through. No matter how much frustration and exhaustion show through, the gleam of unconditional love is always there and nothing can change that.

Releasing Anger Toward Yourself

I had just wrapped up a week of classes exploring the 8 limbs of yoga. We focused on ahimsa, or non-harming, then moved onto santosha (contentment). I spent extra time planning classes that week. My regular students are so kind and so thirsty for knowledge that I felt like I had to come prepared with fresh fun ideas. To be honest, I was diving into material I hadn't studied in 4 years. Here I was reading these words that I'd studied, teaching a class that had been recycled a few times, without really being able to connect to the words that came out of my mouth. I was angry with myself for not having enough time to pour my heart into what I do. When I got home from work, I was angry at myself for not spending enough time with my kids. 

Even though I love my job and it brings me so much joy, I'd been working too much. I was losing steam and I knew it. This is what helped fuel the anger. My boyfriend lost his job and we'd finally started the serious discussion about getting married. The only thing that held us back? Money. It's amazing how clever the universe can be.

The pressure kept building and the need to be successful was growing. One day after yet another discussion about marriage, a person I care about a lot was put in a compromising position because of me. Sane Sarah says be calm, breathe, and stay in control -- practice what you preach, right? If only... I blew up and dug myself a hole which will take a while to repair. Once the ground is broken, it can never truly be mended. 

I was really angry with myself. Once again I'd let my anger get the best of me. I was ashamed, embarrassed, and worst of all is that I was mean. Really mean to a person that I love so dearly. I felt a heaviness against my chest like I couldn't breathe. Who was this person? What was this anger inside of me?

Change the Internal Dialogue

I was filling this void in my life with unhealthy habits -- junk food, mindless television, alcohol. Basically, I was filling this toxic environment with even more crap to stew on.

I had been holding onto this feeling of inadequacy because I wasn't married. We tend to get fooled into this thinking that everything will be better once we make more money/get a better job/finally share the same last name as your children and the man you love. But it's not like that. It never will be. 

I failed to see what was already in front of me. I was searching for this validation through working too hard and exhausting myself, as if trying to prove something to the world -- or maybe just to myself.

The real truth is that the only way to release anger is with love. 

If you want to create a loving relationship with the world, you have to love yourself first. Take care of yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. It won't happen overnight and it is not easy, but it is worth it. Of all the people in the universe, you are most deserving of your own love. 

Be an observer of your thoughts & feelings.

You are not ruled by your emotions. You can sit there and beat yourself up over mistakes & stew on your anger, or you can acknowledge these thoughts and feelings, allow them to unfold while remaining in your present state of mind. Your emotions should not feel like bondage being put upon you -- the bondage is all in your making.

Make time for peace & quiet.

Be alone with your thoughts often. Address the struggles in your life and really take the time to see how you feel -- mentally and physically. Take time to connect with your breath and clear your mind. Slow everything down. 

Let it go.

All the anger, sadness, anxiety, heaviness. It drains your energy. Forgive others, forgive yourself. 

Love.

In Light of the World's Loss: Robin Williams

I have been trying to convert my feelings into words over the loss of Robin Williams over the past day, but continue to be at a loss. Tonight after the kids had fallen asleep, My partner Joe mentioned to me that he saw an outcry of ISIS members on Twitter mourning over the death of Mr. Robin Williams. (this man knows everything that happens on the internet, please do not confuse with a terrorist :-) ) Literal terrorists expressing mourn over any living soul... what?

I had a student write to me tonight expressing gratitude for the help and love I'd provided on their journey after reading of Robin's passing. Life becomes so precious once we realize how delicate and REAL it is.



So, here we go. In my personal life, I have never experienced severe depression. I've been sad, yes, and even classified myself as depressed, but never could I place myself on the level of clinical depression that I have witnessed firsthand. Depression runs in my family, very closely, as well as mental illness and suicidal tendencies. I have felt the pain of this from a distance, and empathised for quite some time. All I can feel right now is sadness for how alone he must have felt.

Depression is real. It can get easier with help. 

Depression makes you not want to get out of bed. Ironically, it doesn't want to you sleep, either.

Depression leaves you drained, with no energy for anything. When you want to rest, depression keeps your mind rolling.

Facing depression is no easy task, and quite often requires more strength than a body builder to ensure those in your life that you're just fine... which is a lie. But their disappointment would only add more pressure.

As a public figure and a father, I cannot imagine the pressure that Robin felt.

I cannot fathom the amount of strength it took to get out of bed sometimes. To face the world not only with a smile, but with the desire to spread the light of laughter and happiness across the world.

I have felt the overpowering strength it takes to fight tears in front of your child, to protect their spirit and to shield them from the hurt, even just for another day.

I pray that Robin's spirit finds the comfort and safety that it so desired here on Earth.

If you are feeling depression, please seek the help of a trusted friend or medical professional. 

Let's all take some time to meditate on this tonight:

I am not alone. I am surrounded by love. My journey will continue. 

Stop Letting Doubt Hold You Back

For those that think the job of a yoga teacher is to show up for an hour and bust out some cool moves to some cool music, I wish I could say you were right. Teaching yoga means lots of planning, preparation, and research before each and every class. Personally, each time I plan for my classes, I make sure to review the anatomy of any new or spotlight poses that we may cover in the class in case any questions arise.

A couple weeks ago in the middle of a hip-intensive class, I set the class up in Pigeon pose and glanced around the room to look for any signs of struggle. Looked pretty good, considering there's usually at least one student in every class that struggles with this big hip stretch.

Then the silence finally broke right beneath me.

Here was this student in full Sleeping Swan, anatomically perfectly in line and saying, "I don't feel this."
"Try flexing your foot," I answered as I squatted down next to her and observed her form. Yep, hips square and all.
"Still nothing," she replied.
"Alright, scoot the foot a little further away from you, bringing the shin closer to parallel with the front of the mat." And she did. Foot flexed and all.
"Nope," she returned.

I walked her through a twisting version and even a King Pigeon... after a couple different suggestions to no avail, it was time to move on and I couldn't help but feel like I hadn't done my job. I let her down, and I let everyone else down who was there to witness it.

I'd told the class in the beginning, as I do every class, "Yoga should feel good. If it doesn't, or you don't feel it, let me know. There is a variation of a pose for everyone." I thought to myself,

Maybe she was just really flexible. 
Maybe I'd forgotten a variation.
Maybe I should have passed out blankets.
Maybe I'm not as good of a teacher as I thought I was...

Sound familiar?

Why do we go down this road?
Why do we beat ourselves up and bring ourselves down when we are presented with a challenge that we can't automatically tackle?
We're so quick to place blame wherever we see fit--and all too often on ourselves. But why? What has placing blame every solved, or even made any matter better?

My story continues at the end of class, when it was revealed that this particular student had given birth just 6 weeks ago. The relaxin was likely still flowing through her body making her extra flexy, and let's face it--a pigeon pose is far less intense than pushing a human being out of your body. To be honest, I felt a lot better about myself after speaking with her, but then I felt even worse for myself about how I was so quick to doubt my abilities.

So the lesson here is this: STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF.

Does anyone expect you to be perfect? NO.
Have you given it your best shot, coming from a place of love? THEN STOP WORRYING.

Stop worrying about how your efforts might not be good enough.
Stop letting others' criticisms and doubts change how you feel about yourself.
Do all things from a place of love & kindness and you will never need to feel inadequate.
Find comfort and peace knowing that your best is enough.

Yoga for the Blood Moon

Being a self-proclaimed "moon loonie," I've been anticipating the arrival of this blood moon for quite some time now. (Read: What is a Blood Moon? via EarthSky)

It only seems fitting that I am scheduled to teach tonight, and cannot wait to harvest the lunar energy & share the yin-inspired and calming flows with my classes. Also, super excited that my Luna pants from Be Present are nice and clean, so perfect for tonight's classs

We'll be practicing the classic Chandra Namaskar in our Beginner's Yoga class, and digging a little deeper with Shiva Rea's Soma Manadala Namaskar in addition to the journey to Revolved Half Moon in our Multi-Level class.

Every month, the moon salutation is practiced to bring more yin aspects into a dominantly yang world. We flow through this sequence to channel the calming lunar energy, opening our bodies and minds to peace and relaxation.

Tonight's mantra is as follows: I am calm, I am comforted.

Stay tuned for a fun sequence, or come join me tonight at The Yoga Mat to harness the lunar energy!

Acceptance

Life is full of critics. Some even get paid to criticize work that others may have poured their entire life into; scrutinizing every single detail of their work, and often times attacking their character for no reason whatsoever. Some just walk among us, claiming that they're "not going to sugar coat" their opinions which, in my opinion, are usually better left unsaid. Sometimes it comes to you through a filter--he said, she said--which is equally as unnerving.

While criticism can certainly be constructive and helpful, it is quite often not the case.

And honestly, sometimes it hurts.

They say you should toughen up, don't take it too seriously--but in all honesty, it's hard not to take it personally.

I've been described as a sensitive person, which I'm okay with. Sometimes I take things too personally, read too much into situations, or take dialogue too literally. I know I can't make everyone happy, but it has never stopped me from trying.

This comes into my life more personally in my line of work. I see so many faces come and go in my classes and I want to make each and every one of them smile & feel good. The way I see it, that's my job. But the truth is, it is not possible to make some people happy.

"Share as much love as you can, but be okay when people can't return it. Others' opinions don't need to alter your mission, so stay strong to what makes your heart beat."
-Kathryn Budig

I had a student get up and walk out of my class during savasana a few months ago. No words were spoken, no eye contact, she simply left. Maybe she had somewhere to go, maybe she didn't feel well, a hundred things could have happened--but she hasn't been back.

I had one particular instance where a student's favorite teacher was out of town that particular weekend, so she reluctantly came to my class instead. From the moment she entered the room, I could tell that there was no way I was going to please her. She slumped on her mat, frowning and sighing, as if she in the waiting room of a doctor's office instead of a relaxing yoga class.

Bottom line: she wanted her teacher, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't give her that. Sure, I could have tried to accommodate to her regular teacher's style to MAYBE take a chance at pleasing her, but I didn't. That wouldn't be fair to my regular students, and more importantly it wouldn't be fair to me. I stayed true to myself, to my teaching, and to my students.

One of the hardest lessons that I've had to learn in life is if someone has a problem with you, let it be just that--THEIR problem, not yours.

While it may be easier said than done, just know that when this criticism reaches you; try not to immediately blame yourself.

Do not be discouraged. 

Do not change yourself. 

Do not let it slow you down.

If a person wants to be upset with you because of a certain character trait that you exhibit (or lack), allow them to do so. Most of the time, it won't matter what you say or do anyhow, so let it go. Instead of trying to make others happy and gain their acceptance, focus on yourself. 

Do what makes YOU happy. Because there's nothing more beautiful than that.

"To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself."
-Thich Nhat Hanh

Forever Grateful

I am grateful for so many things today that my heart is about to burst!

I am so thankful for my ability to put my heart into doing what I love, teaching yoga. I really jumped into it with blind faith, and despite my pre-class anxiety and nervousness, I was never scared. Somehow I knew this is what I was meant to do.

When I found yoga is when I found myself.

Now here I am 10 years later teaching packed classes and taking on therapy workshops! God is so good. I have been blessed so greatly.

10.15.10

I hate to say that I haven’t done ANY yoga on my break so far! Bad girl! I’ve just been having wayyyy too much fun!
Today I went to Playa Carmen with Donna, Jennifer, Mandy, Sarah, and two of Sarah’s friends from back home. We rented surf boards and Mandy gave me a quick lesson. After a few tumbles I finally got it! I actually stood up on the board my first time surfing! I’ve had a few people tell me that surfing is like an addiction but I never really understood it until I experienced it firsthand. Donna told me that surfing is not a hobby, it’s a lifestyle… and she is SO right. I am in love.
After surfing we walked to Santa Teresa and ate the best falafel plates I’d ever experienced. We stuffed our hard working surfer bellies til they were full! Once we got into Santa Teresa, Sarah made a game time decision to get a tattoo on her wrist. It was a really cute small one, I think we may need to pay that place another visit soon. J
After we got home and ate an amazing sushi dinner I couldn’t decide what to do with myself. I had showered and gotten a cute dress on with nothing to do. Keith and April had gone down to the beach for a bonfire with a few other people but no one seemed like they really wanted to go. About five minutes after I had given up on going out, Keith showed up on a 4-wheeler asking who needed a ride to the beach. Perfect! We cruised down to the beach and had a huge bonfire, cooked some fresh fish over it and drank a couple beers. It looked like it was going to rain a bit so we headed down to Chico’s. Hung out there for a few then went back onto the beach behind the bar. After attempting to make another fire which was a futile effort, we decided to just come back up to the resort. Hung out in the jungle room and drank a little wine with some leftover sushi and giggled up a storm.
I am so thankful for today and for all of the lessons I have learned and memories I will treasure forever.

10.4.10

Here's a few things I've learned so far:

• Yoga is love and respect for yourself and for others: it is balance, it is acceptance.
• Your energy speaks volumes.
• Awareness begins with realizing how unaware you truly are.
• Bliss is found in aligning yourself with the supreme: I am my own god, I am all that is.

Yesterday was an amazing day. I watched one person cry which led to 5 other people crying, including me. We were asked to introduce ourselves and state our intention for the month. Naturally, I began to think about what I’d say when it came to be my turn. I’ve been asked this question many times before I hopped this flight, believe me. My usual response was honest and direct--I feel as though I have taken all there is to take from my classes and am looking for as much knowledge as I can get as well as the confidence to pass that knowledge unto others. But as it came to be my turn, something changed in me. I stood up in front of the class and immediately started crying--I was more shocked than anyone, I really didn’t feel these emotions coming on at all. I wasn’t speaking from my head as I had planned, but instead from my heart. Through a tear-soaked face and a quivering lip I managed to tell the group that this had been a dream of mine for a long time now and I needed to stop putting off my dreams. I had been living someone else’s dream and been pushed aside for so long that I decided it was finally time for me. After I shed some tears in lecture, Katie came up to me in tears and hugged me tightly. “I’ve been looking for a reason to cry lately, so thank you. I needed that just as much as you did,” she said. I found that so amazing that we keep so much inside of us that it has to come out in the form of tears, sometimes for no reason at all. It felt really good to cry today, it was something that was just for me. The energy flowing around this resort is so positively amazing it almost puts me in tears every time I really sit and think about it. I have never been surrounded by so many positive forces at one time, so many people really truly invested in one belief and culture, it really is beyond words.
Since I have gotten here I made a few very close friends, however in class yesterday morning we were asked to make a commitment for the day, something we were going to change or let go of. I decided that I needed to branch out and spread my energy around more instead of staying in my safe zone. Throughout the day I sat by someone new every chance I had. During lecture, during free time, at the pool… I sat by two people I barely knew and I am so glad that I did. I made several great new friends and learned a lot of new things. I am so grateful for that.

The first type of yoga we have learned is called Kundalini. This type of yoga believes in the healing power of yoga and the heightened consciousness it brings, rather than most popular types of yoga that are more focused on physical fitness. Kundalini stresses inner cleansing before outer sculpting. We must align our bodies and find our centers before we can take our practice any further. I thoroughly enjoyed class. Any yoga that you can practice for 3 hours straight and maintain a smile on your face is pretty outstanding. It doesn’t hurt that we are in the middle of the jungle looking over the Pacific Ocean I guess… one exercise we did was spreading our toes and sitting back into them which hurt more than most things I have ever done in my practice. Sasha said that we carry most of our fear in our feet, so usually tight feet mean lots of unresolved fears. There was a hawk floating on the ocean breeze just off the deck that I focused on and imagined that my fears were flowing out of me like the breeze, releasing like air from a tire and keeping that marvelous bird afloat. Then I imagined myself as the hawk: fearless, free, soaring wherever I so choose. So I pushed on through the practice as much as my toes begged me to stop.

Today I woke up at 5:30 with my roommate Misia and watched the sun rise and did some wake up yoga, then we went for an hour walk before breakfast. We had an amazing breakfast again, class until 11 then walked to town after lunch. Went into a super cute local shop and bought a hammock, one of life's necessities obviously, then hung out at the ocean for a bit. We just barely made it back for lecture. I was so exhausted I dozed off for about 15 minutes. Luckily I have all the notes and only a few people noticed me sleeping! I went in the infrared sauna tonight and feel amazing, my skin is surely going to be glowing tomorrow.

Looking forward to what tomorrow holds in store for me, surely a new adventure.

Pura vida :)

9.28.10

The last flight I took to D.C. departed at 6 AM. I had to be up and out of the house by 4 AM. Being hungover did not make the task any easier. Why are 6 AM flights even legal? When I left for Jamaica in 2007, I remember heading to the airport at 5 AM, watching the sun rise over the international terminal at O'Hare. Who tortures themselves in such a manner? Three days from now, I will be boarding a plane for Costa Rica at 3:10 AM. I consciously booked this flight complete with a layover in Guatemala, having no Spanish speaking abilities aside from "el bano" and "gordita," over a month ago. My itinerary has hung above my desk the entire time, yet just tonight I caught the devlish glare of neon yellow highlighter beaming the numbers 3:10 AM into my eyes.

I guess you could say it's just hit me now. I am packing my cluttered, disorganized life into a carry-on bag and flying to a foreign country alone. For a month.

For the past five years I have been safe. Scrimping, saving, planning for a future that I had no control over. After Joe and I split a few months ago, I realized what a sheltered and confined life I had been living. I worried about things I shouldn't have been worrying about, dodged my friends which were the only sanity in my life, and dug myself into a dark hole of misery and loneliness. It wasn't until he left that I really found out that what I had been missing out on for so long was life itself. Every day since then I have tried to live with as few regrets as possible. Stay out late, sleep in, drink a little too much, laugh a little too hard, love everyone and everything possible... yet I still seek more. I have never been one to have a plan, persay, but I believe that this experience; my month-long immersion into the yoga lifestyle, culture, spirituality, and whatever else comes my way; will lead me to exactly where I need to be.

Follow me if you wish.