How to Deal with an Overly Critical Person

Twas a wise little rabbit that once said, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

While that would be a much more pleasant world to live in, it's simply not the case.

Criticism can be a good thing when it's delivered in the right way and with the right context. How can we ever expect to grow if we are not honest with one another? Constructive criticism is delivered in a positive manner by offering valid opinions about the work of others. This kind of criticism encourages others to grow into a better version of themselves. Many of the great people we know in the world became that way because of constructive criticism.

Then there's the other kind of criticism. The kind of criticism that simply points out all of the negative aspects about a person or situation without offering any advice on improvement. While this criticism can be situation-specific, you may find that the people that deliver this criticism quite often do so in all aspects of their lives. An overly critical person is often hostile, withdrawn, and pessimistic.

Overly critical people often need help and guidance, so simply shutting them out wouldn't be the most fair approach. Here's a few ways to deal with an overly critical person.

Art by Matthew Hoffman

Try not to take it personally.
Often times a critical person is pointing out their own flaws or shortcomings, not yours. Avoid identifying yourself with the words of a critic. A person who criticizes will do so anyway, no matter what your actions or intentions may be. Your value does not decrease by someone else's words.

Hear the words, not the delivery.
Criticism is often paired with anger, frustration, and delivered at an increased volume. What is the point that is trying to be conveyed? Can it be addressed in a calm manner? Remember that the person who loses their temper has lost control of the situation. Stay in control, stay calm and try to listen to the words.

Respond with kindness.
How people treat other people is a reflection of how they feel about themselves. An overly critical person is likely battling many insecurities. Don't let them pull you into their storm, pull them into your peace. Change the subject by pointing out strengths rather than magnifying weaknesses.

Just because you listen doesn't mean you have to accept.
Some people just need to be heard. I feel that to be a basic human right. All too often, we listen only to respond and attempt to fix problems when we haven't been recruited to do so. It is not necessary to react to everything you hear. Simply lending an ear can make a big difference.

Avoid the situation.
When all else fails, remove yourself from the negativity. It's hard to live a positive life with a negative mind -- even when it's not your mind that is negative. Unfortunately, you cannot help a person who doesn't want to help themselves.

Face Yoga for Jaw Tension

Did you know that your jaw muscles are the strongest in your body for their size? These small but mighty muscles have the ability to chomp a human finger clean off.

The jaw muscles are comprised of four major muscles: the masseter, the temporalis, and the lateral & medial pterygoid.

A recent Chicago Dental Society survey reported that 1 out of every 4 Americans tense their jaw muscles excessively. This number was an all-time high and believed to be the result of increased stress in our daily lives.

If you're like 25% of the population, including me, you might find yourself tightening your jaw muscles without even noticing. Often when we are faced with a difficult task we tense -- whether it occurs at home or in the office, or even in our yoga practice during a particularly long hold or challenging pose. Excessive jaw clenching and tooth grinding can also cause headaches and tension in other areas of the body.

So let's put a stop to this, shall we?

It begins now, with our own awareness. It continues the rest of the day, and tomorrow, and the day after that. It is a constant reminder to care for yourself and remain aware of what's happening inside of your body.

5 Minute Face Yoga for Jaw Tension 

• Begin with 5 round of Lion's Breath (Inhale through the nose; Open the mouth & eyes wide as you stick your tongue out as far as it goes and exhale out the mouth, somewhat resembling the roar of a lion)
• Remove the tongue from the roof of the mouth
• Relax the very base of the tongue
• Keep the lips together, but slowly begin to separate the teeth
• Imagining that the chin has a pencil tip in the center, begin to draw figure-8's with your lower jaw. Do this for about a minute, reversing directions halfway through
• Keep the teeth separated, now curl the lips over the teeth and open the mouth as wide as possible, extending outward into the cheeks. Try not to let any other facial muscles tense. Hold for 5 breaths, then release
• From a tall supported spine, begin to circle your head clockwise with a loose neck 5 times, then 5 times in the opposite direction
• Come to stillness with a tall spine through the crown of the head
• Silently (or loudly) mouth your vowels (AEIOU) ten times
• Take 5 more rounds of Lion's Breath and relax the face

Repeat this sequence as many times as necessary to feel relief.

Another effective stretch is allowing the head to fall backward and the mouth to open as wide as possible. I like to use Supported Fish Pose for this stretch. Be careful not to place any discomfort on the neck or crunch the cervical spine with this one.

Tension is who think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. (Chinese proverb)

Cooking with Essential Oils: One-Pan Lemon Garlic Pasta with Kale

Since I discovered doTERRA essential oils back in March of this year, it's been a solid 6 months since ANYONE in our family has gotten sick. With 2 toddlers and 2 working parents, that's a pretty darn good track record if you ask me.

They are part of our everyday lives from rubbing on our feet at night, using them to clean and refresh, to using them for medical applications. We use essential oils for everyday wellness, but what good is wellness when you can't get your kids to eat healthy?

Cooking with Essential Oils

Everyone loves a hot home-cooked meal, but often times things tend to get away from us and we reach for convenience over quality. I'll admit I've been there all too often. And pizza is way too easy... then it becomes too easy to fall into the rut of convenience.

One day after cruising Pinterest, I found this recipe and adapted it to what I had on hand and our family's tastes. It quickly became a family favorite, which is saying a lot with two picky toddlers.

Instead of reaching in the freezer for pre-packaged whatever-it's-made-of, try this simple recipe that can be made in about a half hour with little to no prep time and is super adaptable to whatever you have on hand. Here's what you'll need:

One-Pan Garlic Lemon Pasta with Kale

• 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil
• 4 cloves of garlic, minced
• 2 cups of low-sodium vegetable or chicken broth
• 1 cup of water
• 2 cups of uncooked whole wheat penne pasta
• 4-5 large leaves fresh kale cut into 1/4 inch ribbons
• 2 oz neufchatel cheese
• 1 tablespoon dried basil
• 2-4 drops doTERRA Lemon Essential Oil

1. Heat olive oil in a large pan over medium heat. Cook kale and garlic for 2 minutes until soft and fragrant.
2. Add broth, water, and pasta to pan and turn heat up to high. Be sure that all ingredients are submerged in liquid.
3. When mixture begins to boil, cover with a lid and reduce heat to low. Cook covered on low for 15 minutes.
4. After 15 minutes, remove cover and allow mixture to simmer another 5 minutes uncovered until liquid reduces by about half. There will still be a good amount of liquid in the pan, but don't worry -- this will make a delicious sauce.
5. Remove from heat and add neufchatel cheese, basil, and lemon essential oil. Stir to combine, let sit about 2 minutes, then serve and enjoy.

Serves 2-3 people, depending on how hungry you are. 

We have also tried this recipe with chicken which is delicious, just brown about 1/2 lb of diced chicken breast before adding kale and garlic. Make it vegan with a vegan cream cheese. Use quinoa pasta for a healthy gluten-free option. 

I use doTERRA essential oils because they are the most concentrated and pure. They are the only brand that I trust to ingest. Please do not ingest lemon essential oil unless the bottle states that it is safe to do so. Many brands of essential oils like to dilute or use other fillers in their oils, but doTERRA brand essential oil is safe for consumption. 

Need Lemon Essential Oil? Visit my doTERRA shop to stock up!

Click here to open a wholesale account to save 25% with the opportunity to start your own essential oil business.

Finding Peace on the Road: 5 Minute Meditation Free Download

Life can feel stressful sometimes, but only when we allow it. External circumstances will always be out of our control -- rain will never stop cancelling soccer games, your favorite jeans will eventually wear a hole, and many cars on the road will not seem to want to cooperate so that you can get to work on time. Until you find deep, internal peace, life will always seem stressful.

Easier said than done, right? All it takes is a little practice.

This 5 minute meditation is great for sitting in traffic or just when you need a break from work, people, or life in general.

Download "Finding Peace on the Road" 5 Minute Meditation for Free

Our mantra is as follows:

I am peaceful so that I can live in peace with others. 

Enjoy & share with everyone that you think could use this reminder.

PS ~~

Check out an expanded version of this post published on Elephant Journal! 

Slow Down & Simplify: 5 Minute Meditation

Have you ever noticed that in times of anxiety & stress, your breathing tends to be staggered, shallow, and high up in the chest? Pay attention next time you are feeling this way and you'll likely find this to be the case.

The reason we can feel so closed off, overwhelmed, and drained sometimes is that we've stopped the energy from flowing within our bodies.

Anxiety is usually caused by the brain working too hard by cultivating unnecessary thoughts, imaginary paths, worst-case scenario stories and illusions that often tend to consume our energy.

The brain requires more oxygen than any other organ in the body. When the oxygen intake is low, the brain is fed first and the body gets whatever is left... most likely, not enough to be aware of what's happening in the rest of the body.

It's a simple fix, really. Don't let the energy stop flowing. 

Meditation helps to calm the mind & relax the body, bringing you into the present moment -- the only moment where life truly exists.

5 Minute Simple Meditation

Find a comfortable seat that allows the breath to flow freely, a seat that feels balanced and can be easily maintained for a few minutes. If necessary, sit on a blanket or pillow so the knees naturally descend from the hips. Rest your hands on your thighs so that the elbows hang from the shoulders, removing any effort from there.

Allow your eyes to softly close and begin to shift into a state of mindful present awareness. Relax the base of your tongue,  soften the hinge of your jaw, and smooth out your forehead.

Find comfort in knowing that this place right here, right now, is exactly where you need to be. Nothing else matters. Let go of the pressure that attempts to take you away from this moment.

Listen to the sounds around you. Sounds that are far away, sounds that are close.

Now allow those sounds to fall silent and only listen to the sound of your breath. Find a gentle, calming rhythm to relax into.

Notice the thoughts in your mind, the sensations in your body, the rhythm of your breath. Don't try to silence your thoughts, you will find it to be a useless and frustrating task. Just notice them, be aware of them, but remain an observer without attaching any feelings. Start to peel away the layers of problems that cannot be solved at this moment, of thoughts that drain your energy, and things that make you feel anxious. Feel your shoulders and neck become lighter as the weight rolls off your back.

Now bring your awareness to the tip of your nose and feel your breath as it moves in and out of your body. Begin to deepen your inhalation and lengthen your exhalation, drawing out each breath as long as comfortably possible. As you inhale, feel your belly rise and chest expand, and as you exhale, feel the belly softly fall back toward your spine.

Allow any thoughts that come to mind play out like a movie on a screen, not fixating on one image for too long.

Bring your attention back to your body as a whole. Feel the energy pulsating within you, the vibratory quality of aliveness in your body.

Notice the path that energy flows through your body, and begin to notice any areas where the energy may seem blocked, heavy, or simply in need of attention.

Imagine you are able to change the route of your breath to send it to those areas that need your attention. Each inhale draws in fresh energy to cleanse and heal, and each exhale creates a pathway for heavy feelings or dead energy to exit the body.

Breathe here for as long as you feel necessary.

When you are ready, bring your attention back to your body. Take a few breaths to ground yourself and arrive back into your space. Notice the thoughts, feelings, and sensations in your body. Slowly open your eyes and take in the brilliance that is the world around you. Try to maintain this feeling of mindful present awareness for the rest of the day. 

Yoga Helps Me Be a Better Parent (and vice versa)

Balance. It's something every yogi practices in their physical body. That shaky feeling in your tree pose can easily be stabilized with steady breathing and clear focus. Balancing in my yoga practice has usually come fairly easy to me, but my balance has never been tested as much as when my family began to grow.

We had 2 kids less than 2 years apart, and needless to say it was quite an adjustment. As stressful as it was at times, I wouldn't change a thing for the world. Among the many, many things that my son and daughter have taught me about love and life, they've inspired me to strengthen my yoga practice and become a more confident teacher.

Finding my center in crow pose? No problem.
Balancing work, family, home, a relationship with my spouse, meal planning, doctor visits, a social life, diaper changes, laundry... then somehow finding time for myself in there? Alignment cues don't do much for real world problems, but many aspects of yoga have helped me grow into a stronger and more confident parent.

Many yogis may know that the physical practice of asana is just the tip of the iceberg. Here's a few ways that my sweet children have encouraged my yoga, and how my yoga has strengthened my parenting.

You're a Master on Adjustments

During pregnancy your body changes a LOT and you've got to find comfort somehow. I learned a heck of a lot about my body through pregnancy. Like where my sciatic nerve is for example -- yikes. But it forces you to learn your anatomy a little better and in a way that you really retain. I also pay a lot more attention to our childrens' anatomy. When my son woke up with a sore neck, he was delighted to join me for some neck circles and shoulder rolls.

Monkey See Monkey Do

Kids are little sponges, especially in those glorious toddler years. They become tiny little parrots revealing the good and the bad things about what they see in the world around them. No matter what you say to them -- especially when it's what not to do -- they see through that if your actions don't agree with your words. It can be the sweetest and the most terrifying thing all at once. We had to remove some words from our vocabulary shortly after certain words started popping out of our son's mouth. But it can also be a wonderful thing. Take for instance my son, who caringly attempted to comfort his cousin in the midst of a crying fit by showing her how to take deep breaths. My heart was soaring. In short, if you want your kids to be good role models, look into the mirror and see what they see.

The same can be said of students in a yoga practice. Two teachers can teach the exact same class and it will still be different. The teacher who teaches from the heart and from true knowledge will connect with students more, and will empower them with that passion. Be present in every moment and live what you feel in your heart.

Because My Family Counts on Me

It's quite a struggle caring for others when you can't care for yourself. I know that because I've lived it. Being overworked, overtired -- fuses get shorter and tension grows higher. It's not fair to make your loved ones suffer because you can't take care of yourself. Use your energy wisely. Do something that makes you feel alive, like you matter, and like you are special. When I take my kids to the park, I like to practice my handstands against the tall trees because it reminds me that I get to have fun, too. So be responsible and take time for you.

Use Support

My yoga classes usually call for blocks, straps, bolsters, blankets... pretty much anything available. We don't always use them, but as I tell my students I'd rather have them and not need them than vice versa. Sure, you can practice your forward bend without any tools, but wouldn't that block to support your head really make it more enjoyable? And the cushy pad of a blanket under your bum? Then why not make it the most accessible version for you? The same can be said of balancing the needs of your family. Ask your partner to load the dishes, send the kids to Grandpa's house for a sleepover, or just take a break when you feel exhausted. Use all of the support available to you and don't feel guilty about it. Using support does not mean you are lazy, it means you are wise.

It's Still About You

Yoga has become so sacred to me since our family has expanded, because it has become the only time I really have just for me. After you have kids, priorities change a heck of a lot. It's not all about you anymore. But just because it's not all about you doesn't mean your life ceases to exist or your passions fizzle out. I'll admit that after giving birth twice and nursing each for a whole year I felt like I was little more than a vessel or a tool to sustain this life I've created. But after that first year it gets easier. You learn to ask for help when you need it and slowly you get little bits of 'me time' here and there. Yoga makes me feel alive, so that is how I spend 'my time.' Whatever it is, do what makes you feel like you.


Parenting is not an easy job. It's challenging on its own and even more challenging when you have to balance your time & energy between a career and a family. Everybody has bad days, but love always shines through. No matter how much frustration and exhaustion show through, the gleam of unconditional love is always there and nothing can change that.

Releasing Anger Toward Yourself

I had just wrapped up a week of classes exploring the 8 limbs of yoga. We focused on ahimsa, or non-harming, then moved onto santosha (contentment). I spent extra time planning classes that week. My regular students are so kind and so thirsty for knowledge that I felt like I had to come prepared with fresh fun ideas. To be honest, I was diving into material I hadn't studied in 4 years. Here I was reading these words that I'd studied, teaching a class that had been recycled a few times, without really being able to connect to the words that came out of my mouth. I was angry with myself for not having enough time to pour my heart into what I do. When I got home from work, I was angry at myself for not spending enough time with my kids. 

Even though I love my job and it brings me so much joy, I'd been working too much. I was losing steam and I knew it. This is what helped fuel the anger. My boyfriend lost his job and we'd finally started the serious discussion about getting married. The only thing that held us back? Money. It's amazing how clever the universe can be.

The pressure kept building and the need to be successful was growing. One day after yet another discussion about marriage, a person I care about a lot was put in a compromising position because of me. Sane Sarah says be calm, breathe, and stay in control -- practice what you preach, right? If only... I blew up and dug myself a hole which will take a while to repair. Once the ground is broken, it can never truly be mended. 

I was really angry with myself. Once again I'd let my anger get the best of me. I was ashamed, embarrassed, and worst of all is that I was mean. Really mean to a person that I love so dearly. I felt a heaviness against my chest like I couldn't breathe. Who was this person? What was this anger inside of me?

Change the Internal Dialogue

I was filling this void in my life with unhealthy habits -- junk food, mindless television, alcohol. Basically, I was filling this toxic environment with even more crap to stew on.

I had been holding onto this feeling of inadequacy because I wasn't married. We tend to get fooled into this thinking that everything will be better once we make more money/get a better job/finally share the same last name as your children and the man you love. But it's not like that. It never will be. 

I failed to see what was already in front of me. I was searching for this validation through working too hard and exhausting myself, as if trying to prove something to the world -- or maybe just to myself.

The real truth is that the only way to release anger is with love. 

If you want to create a loving relationship with the world, you have to love yourself first. Take care of yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself. It won't happen overnight and it is not easy, but it is worth it. Of all the people in the universe, you are most deserving of your own love. 

Be an observer of your thoughts & feelings.

You are not ruled by your emotions. You can sit there and beat yourself up over mistakes & stew on your anger, or you can acknowledge these thoughts and feelings, allow them to unfold while remaining in your present state of mind. Your emotions should not feel like bondage being put upon you -- the bondage is all in your making.

Make time for peace & quiet.

Be alone with your thoughts often. Address the struggles in your life and really take the time to see how you feel -- mentally and physically. Take time to connect with your breath and clear your mind. Slow everything down. 

Let it go.

All the anger, sadness, anxiety, heaviness. It drains your energy. Forgive others, forgive yourself. 

Love.